"Tell me, what will you do if you feel that you are not felt????"
This is the first question that popped out on my mind as I was walking alone going back to home that rainy afternoon. Savouring the pollution from the streets of Cainta. It is a question that I want to ask, actually to survey to about 50 people or less, to have some clarifications coming from of course other people. I really want to know how will some people handle such scenario; such a tragic scenario. Not wanting to gain any sympathy but an opinion that might give enlightenment.That might give intrusion on this mind bugging question. How, how and how??(the carabao?)
Imagine yourself at a party. You know every one there. Casually known those people, yet here you are, standing alone, sometimes sitting at a corner pretending to be busy. Pretending to be busy because you know for a fact that if you wont pretend to be 'busy', you' re busted. Suddenly, you bid goodbye and you noticed that's the only time they even noticed you to your surprise. The first and the last. Wow.
This one's different. A part from that. My heart is heavy and tired: Emotions that succumbed my heart for about 15 minutes of walking alone. No one's going to care. No no, what I mean is, I don't want people to know. Not that they wont care, I could careless if they wont, but rather, I just want to deal with it alone. Why would I want to deal with it alone then? Because going back, I'm already tired, for a fact, I know that these people that I can lean on to, are also might be tired of hearing the same stories over and over again. These stories happen over and over again because these people keep on 'ignoring' again and again as well. It's like a cycle. A cycle that I never want to RE cycle. I don't want to care about it any more but it still bugs me. It's freaking me out. I want to believe I want to have peace, but sometimes I can't; it resists.
In silence, I prayed. Prayed that this wont eat me up. Prayed for forgiveness, I really cannot hide even a single worry from Him. Though tears aren't flowing, He knows that I'm crying deep down inside. Realizing all the goodness He did for me and He will do to me, made me smile. This is happening for a reason, I might not full know it now, but for sure this is another way to channel His encouragement to the oppressed. Ministering to those people who are lost and would want attention that they unfortunately couldn't have. Being secured for who I'am and for who He is in me. Pondering that it's not about them or me any more. It's all about Him. This is His fight and not mine. That even these people are pretending not to feel that I exist, God is always there to remind me that I not only exist but I live and He lives in me. He's always there to give comfort. That whenever I feel I'm not being 'felt' still His presence lingers. Stays forever and forever be felt.
