Dear Papa

HI. I can't think of words to start this letter for you although I know, you wont be able to read this. I don't want this letter to be a dramatic one, but maybe I can be transparent and open the things that I really wanted to tell you personally. First, I want to say thank you for giving me the chance to live and be in this superb(if I may say) world. At times, I find it difficult, but you taught me how to be strong in a way. You didn't really got the chance to watch me grow and you were not able to guide me as well. I have a lot of bitterness to say, but I guess it's nonsense to say those.  As I was growing up, I didn't feel much the "father figure" that I thought I would have and every child would want to have. You left us though we know you are just there. That's the most heart breaking part of it. At first, I lack the comprehension as to why you were like an invisible father to us. In the beginning I thought you didn't like us because you just let us go through tough times without even lending us a helping hand. As a child, it made me feel undone to see my mother suffering and the only one worrying for our family. I have seen how you treated mother, and I committed to myself that I will never marry a man like you. You might hate me saying these things but umm, that's the fruit of your actions and I'm just responding to it. You made me think that living is chaotic and life will always be miserable. It seems like everyone will always say  "nope" to me. As I grow older, these things didn't hinder me to become a better person. I realized that the experiences that I got from you were helpful. It made me grow as an individual. I noticed that, the main lesson I've learned from you is to be independent. You taught me how to not be dependent and relay on other people in a positive note.. You taught me that I should not expect something from people, for if they failed to meet that, I will be frustrated and will become bitter. It made me better that's the good news. You also taught me how to think first before doing something. Just like what you did to our family, you didn't think of our future, so I said to myself I wont ever imitate that kind of mentality. The last lesson that I could ever think of today is you taught me how to love. As a father, you didn't show it as well. Loving others especially my family is one thing that gives me the edge why I already forgave you. Because you didn't show love to us, though I know, you have that  hence you were not able to express it properly. I want to be your representative. I want to cover the things and fill the things you didn't do for us so that at the end of the day, it will be your credits. It will give the connotation of you filling us with your benevolence and nurtured us. I still think of you.
I'm sorry for the things I have done wrong. I'm sorry for not being the daughter that you would want me to be. It's just me, because of you.