I woke up feeling very very light although I slept last night( in fact, this morning). After a 4hour talk with my love and discussing about a private matter, I felt even more blessed to have him in my life. Having someone talked about a private matter with is something to me. Hindi ako yung taong nag oopen or open to that topic, pero i don't know what's in me that made me open up that with him. The moment I opened my eyes, I thought of praying pero na delay. Sooner, thought of being with him again. Napansin ko lang, it's not healthy any more. Loving God should be my priority, I know that, pero at the same time, I'm struggling with it. I want to be close with Him, pero I think I'm not putting my best foot forward. Why do I have to struggle with this?? Or maybe, or not maybe, it's really me. And so I prayed at last, felt a relief and while listening to a podcast, started writing this journal/blog Anyway...
Talking about pio, I think and feel that he's growing more and more beautiful to me. Everyday, each time I talk to him, I cant contain this feeling that I have for him. Knowing that we're already in this wonderful relationship. I really thank God for this. Last night, I mean this early in the morning, we talked about a private matter nga and I feel for him. Nung sinabi ko na
"I thank God for introducing His princess to a prince"(quoting that he is that prince).
Suddenly his face frowned, kasi I know his situation. I saw a deep remorse pero taking in to consideration and understanding that remorse, I tried to be innocent and change the mood into something jolly. Still I felt the burden that he keeps on feeling for quite some time during the conversation. All that he could say was
"If I only I know, I should have preserved it".
My heart sighed. I honestly hated him in silence for how many months because he didn't preserve it. I even doubted everything that we have. Got mad at him but instead of showing how much I "hated"(and it's quoted ha, so it's in the past) through snubbing, quarrelling about this matter and making him feel that this is unfair kasi nga I'm preserving what I have, I showed the other way around. I showed how much he is loved by me. I think in that way, it made him reflect even more; convicted even greater and that now, committed to preserve us until we "seal the deal". Something that I'am really proud of. Something that is making me fall even more in love with him each day. Something to thank God about. There are still times that I pity myself and ask God
"hindi ba unfair to God?",
"bakit ganon Lord?all this time I've been praying for someone specifically about their life, regardless of the person's physical appearance, pero that something that he confessed?why? :'(".
However, God is a god of unconditional love. A god of hope and compassion. Now, it's all clear to me that It's not about me anymore, it's about Him teaching me what apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians about love. It goes ...."Love is not self seeking"..... Made me realize that my Father wont give me a consolation but the first prize. At first there will be questions, pero in the process, I'm beautifully broken and even stronger that He let this pride and "worldly standards/REQUIREMENTS" drown. Looking beyond whatever that person's past. The most important is, "He let His princess met His prince".
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